"I hope that my attendance as a gay college-aged Latter-day Saint will be able to help bring new ideas and perspectives"
Note: Keith Trottier is the president of BYU-Idaho's Understanding Same-gender Attraction (USGA) Group
August 2013
More about the Affirmation conference I am attending the Affirmation Conference this year due to my confidence in the direction that such an event could take the LDS LGBT community. I believe that when so many individuals and groups come together to discuss a topic, especially one of such importance as homosexuality, that true growth is possible. Specifically, I hope that my attendance as a gay college-aged Latter-day Saint will be able to help bring new ideas and perspectives to the table in how the LDS and non-LDS communities confront this topic.
Moreover, I also believe that the newer generation has much to learn. Adam White and I have done what we can to lead our own groups towards a brighter future, but in order to progress correctly we must arm ourselves with as much information as possible and that can only be done by learning from the experiences of those who have gone before.
An exciting future lays ahead of all LDS LGBT individuals and this conference is only the beginning. And I suppose I hope to one day say that right or wrong I was on the side of history working towards a brighter and more understanding future.
Robert Rees: Families Are Forever... and for Now
Remarks made at the opening of the 2013 Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City, Utah, on July 31, 2013
by Dr. Robert A. Rees
August 2013
In keeping with the theme of this symposium, in relation to our LGBT brothers and sisters, one could speak of bodies in terms of the literal bodies of LGBT saints; the metaphorical body (using Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians), and the doctrinal body (the body of teachings that affect the lives of gay members). One might also consider how the literal bodies of LGBT Mormons are regarded as somehow not fully human/natural—that is, as bodies that either don’t have normal human desires or are not deserving of normal human expression. One could also speak of our culture’s willingness to sacrifice the literal bodies of gay members by driving them to self-destructive behaviors, including suicide.
Focusing on the metaphorical, in his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul uses an extended metaphor of the body to teach us about the body of Christ (the church and its constituent members). That image also applies to families, groups, organizations and nations—social structures in which we live and move and have our being. In reality, we belong to bodies of other bodies—individuals and groups to whom we are related or connected—biologically, socially, or spiritually. The documentary film Families are Forever is based on one such body, a faithful Mormon family, and its relationship to other bodies (their extended family, congregation, community and church). All of these bodies, to follow Paul’s metaphor, are interrelated and co-dependent—and the health of all is dependent on the health of each individual member. What Families are Forever illustrates is that the healthy functioning of each of these bodies is dependent on love and that when individual members of these bodies fail to love other members, fail to nourish and sustain any member within the body, both the individual bodies and the body as a whole suffer.
Paul says something profound about the Church that we tend to forget—that we should have special concern for those members of the body of Christ, not who are, but whom we consider weaker, less honorable and unpresentable. In relation to the last of these, think of all the disparaging remarks and discriminatory and un-Christ like behaviors that one hears and sees towards LGBT people and among members of the Church about the “homosexual lifestyle”—in short, Paul is speaking about those whom we consider less righteous and less worthy than ourselves (which includes, both historically and at present, our attitudes toward and treatment of our LGBT sisters and brothers. That is, we have considered these our fellow saints dispensable, whereas Paul says they are indispensable. What instead should be our behavior toward these brothers and sisters? Paul makes it very clear: “On the contrary, those members that seem to be weaker are essential, and those members we consider less honorable we [should] clothe with greater honor, and our unpresentable members [we should] clothe with dignity.”
For a long period of time, as Latter-day Saint families and congregations and as a church, contrary to Paul’s admonition, we have said to our LGBT members “We have no need of you; you are not part of our body.” Paul condemns such behavior, saying, “But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which [we perceived] lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.”
Clearly, as families and as congregations we not only have not given more abundantly to our LGBT members, but rather as friends, families and congregations we have excluded them from our various bodies—including our bodily (i.e., physical) presence. Paul says the consequence of our having done so has caused these members to suffer, and he reminds us that “if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.” which has certainly been the case—and continues to be so to an unacceptable degree. As families and as congregations, we have suffered too long over this issue. Families are Forever shows us what happens when all of the members of a family honor a member who is in pain and treats him with dignity. Again, to quote Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, “If one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. So that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” (1 Cor. 12: 12-31, NIV, NEB). Families are Forever demonstrates how one family can set the example for other families, for congregations and for the Church as a whole.
Before we see the film, Dr. Caitlin Ryan will speak about her research at the Family Acceptance Project as it related to the film, especially her research on the profound differences she and her colleagues have found between families’ accepting and rejecting behaviors on the health, safety and well-being of their LGBT children. This includes her research on, respectively, religious condemnation and acceptance of LGBT adolescents and how our expression of God’s love or withholding of love affects their self-esteem, well-being and risk for suicide, depression, substance abuse and HIV infection. Her research is groundbreaking and is changing the way families, institutions and government agencies relate to and provide services for LGBT young people and their families. Her research also provides the first empirical foundation for Paul’s admonition that we must provide greater honor and dignity towards those members of our family and Church bodies whom we have dishonored and discriminated against in word, thought and behavior.
First, I would like to say a few words about Dr. Ryan herself.
Dr. Ryan is a highly respected researcher and practitioner who has been a pioneer in the field of LGBT health for nearly four decades. Her contributions have been recognized by many professional and community groups, and her approach to promoting wellness and reducing health risks and negative social outcomes such as suicide and homelessness for LGBT young people is changing the paradigm of care for how LGBT young people are served across disciplines and systems of care. Her work with families and congregations is opening new ways for families and congregations to support LGBT people in the context of religious beliefs and values. She has been honored by the leading mental health professional organizations, including the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association, which recently presented her with its Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award. Her research and new approach to family-based care is being utilized across the U.S. and in other countries—and by clergy and religious leaders in other religious organizations.
Over the first nearly two centuries of its existence, Mormonism has survived—and thrived--through the help of friends—other believers who believe in us and have sacrificed to help and serve us--from General Thomas Kane, who helped the Saints during their exodus to the Great Basin, to Richard Mouw, President of Fuller Theological Seminary, who currently fosters dialogue between Mormons and other Christians.
Caitlin Ryan is such a friend. It has been a particular pleasure for me to be her collaborator on the booklet we have written for Latter-day Saint families,Supportive Families, Healthy Children: Helping Latter-day Saint Families with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Children, and on this important film. Caitlin’s interest in producing the booklet and this film is motivated in large part by her recognition of the central focus on families in Mormon theology and religious practice. It is her hope that our application of the research she has been doing on LGBT children and adolescents will inspire other faith traditions to adopt these same principles and thus bless their LGBT members and families. She has started doing similar work with other religious groups.
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Families Are Forever: An Introduction to the Film
Prepared by Dr. Robert A. Rees and presented at the opening of the 2013 Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City, Utah, on July 31, 2013
by Robert A. Rees
August 2013
Families are Forever, a documentary film produced by the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, chronicles the experience of one faithful Latter-day Saint family as they come to terms with their extended family and their congregation when they discover that their adolescent son is gay. The film is a powerful and poignant in exploring the real-life struggle of parents faced with the conflict between faith and family over one of the defining social issues of our time.
Families are Forever beautifully illustrates the theme of the 2013 Sunstone Symposium since it deals with the various bodies within Mormonism. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul uses an extended metaphor of the body to teach us about the body of Christ (the church and its constituent members). That image also applies to families, groups, organizations and nations—social structures in which we live and move and have our being. In reality, we belong to bodies of other bodies—individuals to whom we are related or connected—biologically, socially, or spiritually. Families are Forever is based on one such body, a faithful Mormon family, and its relationship to other bodies (their extended family, congregation, community and church). All of these bodies, to follow Paul’s metaphor, are interrelated and co-dependent—and the health of each as well as the whole is dependent on the health of each member of the respective bodies. What Families are Forever illustrates is that the healthy functioning of each of these bodies is dependent on love and that when individual members of these bodies fail to love other members, fail to nourish and sustain any member within it, both the individual bodies and the body as a whole suffer.
For a long period of time, as Latter-day Saint families and congregations and as a church, contrary to Paul’s admonition, we have said to our LGBT members whom we deem “less honorable” and “less presentable,” “We have no need of you; you are not part of our body.” Paul condemns such behavior, saying, “But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which [we perceive] lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” Clearly as families and as congregations we not only have not given more abundantly to our LGBT members, we have excluded them from our various bodies—including our bodily (physical) presence. Paul says the consequence of our having done so is that “if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.” As families and as congregations, we have suffered too long over this issue. The family featured in the film shows us what happens when all of the members of a family honor a member who is in pain: “If one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. So that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. (see 1 Cor. 12: 12-31, NIV). Families are Forever demonstrates how one family can set the example for other families, for congregations and for the Church as a whole by choosing love —“until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13, NIV)
Families are Forever is based on extensive research conducted by the Family Acceptance Project (FAP) at San Francisco State University on the relationship between family acceptance and rejection of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) adolescents and their health risks (including for suicide and HIV) and well-being. Based on its findings, the FAP has been developing the first evidence-based approach to help ethnically and religiously diverse families support their LGBT children. This work has built on decades of research on sexual orientation and a growing body of research on gender identity, including scores of studies since the early 1970s on the needs and experiences of LGB adolescents. As part of this work, the Family Acceptance Project has been developing family education materials to help families and providers promote well-being, to address significant misinformation about sexual orientation and gender identity among children and adolescents, and to decrease high levels of risk for suicide, homelessness and other negative outcomes for LGBT adolescents. These materials are designed to strengthen families and to help support LGBT children and adolescents in the context of family, culture and religious beliefs.
Family Acceptance Project materials include the first “Best Practice” resources to prevent suicide among LGBT people and the only Best Practice resources for suicide prevention for Mormon families with LGBT children. A core part of this work includes developing a series of broadcast-quality family education films that show the journey of ethnically and religiously diverse families from struggle to support of their LGBT children. These films provide culturally-grounded models of family support that give LGBT youth and families hope, help decrease risk, and increase family connectedness and well-being. Families are Forever is the latest addition to this series of short documentary films from the Family Acceptance Project. This session includes an introduction describing the empirical foundation for this work, a showing of the film, and a panel discussion on the critical role of family support for strengthening families, congregations and communities.
Wendy Montgomery: “I Have Loved My Son for 13 Years and I Didn’t Know How to Turn That Off”
LDS Mom of Gay Boy Receives Standing Ovation
August 2013
Mormon mom Wendy Montgomery received a standing ovation at the July 31 Utah premiere of “Families are Forever,” a 21-minute documentary describing her experiences, along with her husband’s, raising a family which includes a 15-year-old gay son.
“Having a gay son has been an unexpected blessing in my life,” Wendy told an audience of 300 people gathered for the opening session of the Sunstone Symposium. “It has made me a better Christian, and taught me more how the Savior wants me to love.”
“I have loved my son for 13 years,” Wendy stated. “I didn’t know how to turn that off.”
Wendy told the audience that growing up in a very traditional, conservative LDS home, she heard many things about the “‘evils of homosexuality’”. “So when I learned my son was gay, my mind went to all the negative things I had heard about the gay community,” Wendy said.
“I remember thinking that my son was NONE of those things,” Wendy added. “So I began the process of throwing out all of my old stereotypes, preconceived ideas and judgments – and re-learning what it meant to be gay. I became a master researcher – reading everything I could find from LDS and non-LDS sources. In the beginning, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was so driven to find answers to help my son, and figure out how to make this all work within the context of Mormonism.”
Wendy explained that she didn’t have any peace until she found the Family Acceptance Project. “It felt like sunshine in the midst of the darkest days of my life,” she said. “I will be forever grateful for this wonderful and life-saving organization.” Other points Wendy made during her presentation:
- Some of the greatest people I have ever met are gay. They have become my family. I love them so much!
- Every day of my life has been spent as a Mormon. And I am a mother of a terrific gay son. These two worlds sometimes seem irreconcilable.
- Having a foot in both worlds leaves us belonging to neither.
- I find I can reconcile these two worlds by following Christ’s two great commandments: To love God and love your neighbor. We should NOT be judging others. That is Christ’s job, and His alone. We should JUST LOVE.
- No more should we say, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” It should be “Love the sinner.” Period. We’re all sinners.
- My Dad (Jordan’s grandfather) is so much more supportive now than what is portrayed in the film. This is a journey for all of us and we have all progressed.
- One of the reasons I stay active in our church is for the other gay children for whom we can be a support. We have already had some of those kids come out to us.
The One Voice Choir sings "We Are Not Alone"
August 2013
"We Are Not Alone" was one of three songs interpreted by The One Voice Choir at the opening plenary of the 2013 Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City on July 31. We apologize for the limited quality of the video, which was made using a smart phone. To hear The One Voice Choir in person, please join us September 13-15, 2013, for the Affirmation Annual Conference to be held in Salt Lake City.
Sunstone Symposium Features LGBT Mormons, Supportive Families
Wendy Montgomery: “Having a gay son has made me a better Christian, and taught me more how the Savior wants me to love.”
by Hugo Salinas
August 2013
LGBT Mormons and their supportive families were featured in events related to the Sunstone Symposium held July 31 – August 4 in Salt Lake City. The week included the premiere of the documentary “Families Are Forever,” a social for LGBT Mormons, and presentations by Affirmation leaders and friends such as Wendy Montgomery, Robert A. Rees, Erika Munson, John Gustav-Wrathall, and Jerry Argetsinger. The all-inclusive One Voice Choir was featured during the Wednesday plenary session and during a special Community of Christ service held on August 4.
Wendy Montgomery received a standing ovation after the screening of Families are Forever, a documentary produced by the Family Acceptance project.
“Having a gay son has been an unexpected blessing in my life,” Montgomery told an audience of 300. “It has made me a better Christian, and taught me more how the Savior wants me to love.”
During the Q&A period, Meg Abhaus, another LDS mom, talked about her experiences raising her own gay teen son, Jon.
The 21-minute documentary will be also screened at the opening evening of the upcoming Affirmation conference. Meg and Jake Abhaus will participate in a Saturday morning workshop. The One Voice Choir will be featured during the Sunday closing luncheon.
Former LDS bishop and Affirmation friend Robert A. Rees made a connection between the documentary and the theme of the symposium, which was, “Mormon Bodies: Literal, Metaphorical, Doctrinal.”
“In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul uses an extended metaphor of the body to teach us about the body of Christ (the church and its constituent members),” Robert explained. “That image also applies to families, groups, organizations and nations—social structures in which we live and move and have our being. In reality, we belong to bodies of other bodies—individuals and groups to whom we are related or connected—biologically, socially, or spiritually.
“The documentary film Families are Forever is based on one such body, a faithful Mormon family, and its relationship to other bodies (their extended family, congregation, community and church). All of these bodies, to follow Paul’s metaphor, are interrelated and co-dependent—and the health of all is dependent on the health of each individual member. What Families are Forever illustrates is that the healthy functioning of each of these bodies is dependent on love and that when individual members of these bodies fail to love other members, fail to nourish and sustain any member within the body, both the individual bodies and the body as a whole suffer.”
During her remarks, Mormons Building Bridges Founder Erika Munson invited the audience to send emails to three members of the Quorum of the Twelve to thank them for the launching of the website MormonsAndGays.org. The apostles are: D. Todd Christofferson (ChristoffersonDT [at] LDSchurch.org), Dallin H. Oaks (OaksDH [at] LDSchruch.org), and Quentin L. Cook (CookQL [at] LDSchurch.org).
Affirmation Vice President John Gustav-Wrathall attended the Thursday LGBT social with his husband Göran and his parents. At the conclusion of the social, he shared with the 75 people in attendance some of the experiences that affirmed his faith in God and led him to return to the LDS Church. “Our lives are mixed up with good and bad, with pain and joy,” John concluded. “Consider letting go of anger. Consider making an experiment upon the word and seeing where it leads. It might be the hardest thing you have ever tried. As for me, it has brought forth fruit a hundredfold.”
On Thursday, Affirmation board member Gregory A. Prince delivered a “Pillars of My Faith” plenary speech. As an example of how scientific knowledge can help the Church change, Greg invited the audience to consider “the recent about-face that the Church laudably made in acknowledging, in the face of rapidly accumulating and overwhelming evidence from science, that homosexuality is not chosen.”
“Where science can inform, it eventually will inform,” Greg added, “and religionists will save themselves and their followers a lot of grief if they allow the process to occur naturally.”
The Salt Lake Tribune featured Affirmation friend Jerry Argetsinger, a gay Mormon man and stake high councilor who, along with his wife Gail, was for years involved in directing and designing the costumes for the Hill Cumorah pageant.
“Jerry is still my best friend,” Gail Argetsinger told The Salt Lake Tribune. “We have done so many church callings and produced so much art together.”
2013 Conference Updates
Scholarships Deadlines Program Menu Pricing Workshops Choir When to Get There Lightrail to the Airport Deadline for Scholarships Extended
The deadline for students and those with extremely limited financial resources to register for conference at the $50 price has been extended through September 6.
“We are offering students and those with extremely limited financial resources a $50 full ticket registration which includes admission to all sessions and events, along with heavy appetizers and desserts on Friday and Saturday evenings, and a full lunch on Saturday and Sunday,” says Affirmation President Randall Thacker. “The price of the meals alone is higher than the $50 registration! We hope many will take advantage of this amazing deal.”
Carpooling and sharing hotel rooms are also suggested ways to save money.
Conference Deadlines Are Here!
August 15 is the deadline to reserve a guaranteed room at the hotel. On August 16, the block of rooms reserved for Affirmation will be released and offered to the general public. If you act by August 15, you can take advantage of the special pricing: $99 for 2 people, $109 for 3 people, and $119 for 4 people per night. Don’t forget to mention that you’re attending the Affirmation conference. Use the Affirmation Roommate Finder to meet potential roommates.
Due to the receipt of a new generous donation to the conference fund, we have moved to September 6 the deadline to register for the Affirmation conference at the regular price of $99 per person ($115 if you’re also joining Affirmation or renewing your membership).
Program Posted Online
Check out the conference program!Attend Conference Events “A La Carte”
This year we are offering menu pricing for those who may wish to attend and pay for limited parts of the conference. This gives attendees total liberty to participate on a tight schedule and a tight budget:
- Friday Evening Only (Includes heavy appetizers and dessert):$15.00
- All Day Saturday (Includes luncheon, appetizers and dessert): $69
- Saturday Morning Only (No Luncheon): $29
- Saturday Morning and Luncheon: $49
- Saturday Evening Reception & Evening of Affirmation: $15
- Sunday Luncheon Only: $20.00
If you can attend only limited events but your financial situation is not tight, we encourage you to consider making a tax-deductible donation to the conference fund, thus helping us defray conference costs. You can make a donation online (by typing a higher amount on the top section of the form) or by mail (by using the “TOTAL ENCLOSED” line at the bottom of Page 2) as you register for specific events.
List of Workshops Updated
The full list of Saturday morning workshops and presenters has just been updated. Recently added is a presentation by Dr. Anne E. Nicoll and Dr. Sharon Groves titled, “ Growing Up LGBT and Mormon in America.” This workshop will provide data from more than 10,000 LGBT youth ages 13–17 who were surveyed between 2011 and 2012--including 72 youth who identified as Mormon. The data from this survey have important implications for parents, educators, religious leaders, and anyone else interested in the well-being of LGBT Mormon youth. Check the full list of workshops.
Join the Affirmation Choir!
The Affirmation Choir which will sing during the Saturday evening devotional. Whether you’re soprano, bass, anything in between, don’t miss this chance to be part of it. If possible, plan your flight so that you attend the first choir rehearsal on Friday, September 13, at 4:45 PM. For more information, visit this link.
When You Should Get There
- Please note that for this conference, the General Business Meeting has been moved to Friday. All Affirmation leaders and members are strongly encouraged to arrive in time for this meeting, which will be held on Friday at 6:00 PM in the Officers Club.
- If this is your first Affirmation Conference, you’re strongly encouraged to attend the First Timers Meeting, which will start on Friday at 4:00 PM in the Officers Club.
- If you’re a chapter or LGBT Mormon support group leader or are part of the international leadership team, please schedule your trip so that you can attend the leadership meeting to be held on Friday at 10:00 AM and the combined Board and Leadership Team Luncheon on Friday at Noon. Also, a Board of Directors meeting will be held from 1:30 - 3:30 on Friday.
For the first time, we will be able to travel from the airport to the Univeristy Guesthouse using the recently expanded light rail system. Fare: $2.50 each way. Change from the Green Line to the Red Line at the Courthouse going to the U. Medical Center and use the Fort Douglas Station.
Walking from Fort Douglas Station to the Guesthouse (.4 mile, 8 minutes)Note: The light rail does not run 24/7, and weekend hours are limited. Check the schedules for the Green Line and the Red Line before buying your plane ticket.
Going to the Affirmation Conference in a Surrey
August 2013
Conference UpdateSalt Lake Conference to Include Temple Trip
by Sam Noble
August 2013
Conference UpdatesWe want to invite all to join us at the Salt Lake Temple on Friday morning, September 13, before we begin our annual conference. Everyone is welcome to meet in the lobby by 7:30 a.m. to pray, meditate, and converse reverently. The light rail to downtown Salt Lake passes by Fort Douglas every 15 minutes starting at 5:29 AM. At the Courthouse, change to the green or blue line going north.
There is also a 6 a.m. endowment session that some LGBT Mormons and allies will attend. Some of us will carpool from the Guesthouse at about 5:15 a.m. for that. Other temple work can be scheduled by appointment.
This early start will allow us to get back to the Guesthouse before the 9 a.m. business meeting that some of us must attend. Please contact Sam Noble (sam.noble [at] affirmation [dot] org) with any questions.
Bring Friends, Family to the Saturday Evening Program
by Hugo Salinas
August 2013
Conference UpdatesWe strongly encourage conference-goers to invite family and friends to the Saturday evening program. Priced at $15, the program will include a 6:15 pm reception with heavy appetizers, a 7:15 pm testimony/story-sharing meeting, and an 8:15 Evening of Affirmation, followed by desserts and socializing. All these events will be held in the Douglas Ballroom of the Utah University Guesthouse.
The Evening of Affirmation will include musical numbers by the Affirmation Choir and presentations by some of our LGBT allies: Barb and Steve Young, Benji Schwimmer, and Judy Finch. With an inspiring lineup of presenters and music, this will no doubt be one of the highlights of our conference.
You can buy tickets for this event online or by mail, but we need to know the number of attendees a few days before conference so that we can order the food.
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